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Sarah Elizabeth Dove-Miller

[ website | Wicked Diva ]
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Senses [28 Sep 2007|11:04am]
1. What color is fear:
The color of muddy wet autumn leaves.

2. What sound does affection make
- it humms, softly, close to a purr.

3. What texture does autumn have:
the texture of concrete walls and the paperthin bumps of dry leaves.

4. What shape does conversation make:

5. What fabric is a kitten made of?

6.What noise is made by curiousity?
- creaky steps and door hinges

7. What is the smell of knowledge?
Rosemary, Peppermint, or Eucalptus

8.How do you punctuate life?
With an elipse ...

9. What does death taste like?
A dark chocolate covered preztle
(I've recieved 1 notification of admiration Pet Me)

An afternoon high... [06 Sep 2007|01:52pm]
In a fit of "I CAN DO ANYTHING" I dyed my hair with manic panic like I'd been planning for...a year. It is gorgeous, I do rock the red. It makes my eyes look all greeny and perdy-er.

I have an abundance of sexy self confidence lately, so I'm rockin' that too.
Enough so that I finally got my diagnosis of being bipolar. Now I have to find a psychiatrist to piss off. I'll probably go through all the locals trying to find one that I feel I can trust. Ain't it grand. Why can't they psychiatrize or whatever via email? Shit one look at my LJ a few hours they'd know more than they'll find out in a year of me going in for an hour a week.

Blah. Assholes.

Im gonna see flogging molly\dropkick murphys on the 13th. My mother in law kicks ASS because we're kidfree the whole day\night.

My husband needs a chicky. Does anyone with a brain and some geekness and a particularly CRAZY sex drive want to pet his ego and be the first woman besides me to really date and fuck him? Seriously, I might consider paying someone *clean*. I'm half joking. I think it'd be a good present.

Oh we also need people who play D&D to come to our house and take on one of these goram characters. Currently I'm playing the whole party of 4. Its fucking nuts. It forces me to talk to myself more, I'm not sure lou likes how that looks.

Thats me, in a Nutshell.
Aren't I cute.
Yes, Yes We Are.
I know.
I know you know.
You're the best.
No. YOU'RE the best.
You're right, I am.
HEY! That's not how it's supposed to go... I was waiting for you to say... oh never mind, the audience is screaming. Better go put the straitjacket back on.

(I've recieved 5 notifications of admiration Pet Me)

HAHA. [04 Sep 2007|07:32pm]

because i thought muppets are hillarious without booze.
(Pet Me)

Half diagnosed as crazy... [03 Sep 2007|05:30pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I still need to see a shrink who will validate that I am -some- brand of bi-polar
I'm on meds, they make me tired so i don't take them til bedtime, otherwise my head seems really quite.
I'm no more organized, nor am I any more "on the ball" which is mildly upsetting, but i think it takes a couple weeks for the meds to take full effect so maybe it will help with that and not just the psychobitch\totally depressed mood swings.


I just thought you all should know that I'm "" close to certifiabley nuts.

Oh yea, and everyone remember to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to mommy tomorrow. She's another years more gorgeous.

(I've recieved 14 notifications of admiration Pet Me)

Beading and creating foodstuffs list [03 Sep 2007|05:27pm]
I'm feeling crafty lately, I made a beautiful anklet using seed beads, and fairly sizable hematite and now I want to get back in and do more...correctly.

Pardon me for using this space instead of a word doc file - i have a tendency to misplace those on the computer (I'm horrible, I know)

Bead board
Crimpers, Wire snips, and needle nose pliers
Crimping beads

and of course, more swanky beads (I just got a bunch off ebay)
For those of you who did beading of necklaces etc using thread as I did for years and years and always found yourself frustrated by the knotting, and the breaking - I cannot push "wire" strongly enough. talk about making it easy. No more needles, no more stabbed fingers (or losing them in clothing), the snapping is negated etc..

I also want to try my hand with chain mail soon too. I find chain is a really nice thing to use for making danglies and to add greater but subtle interest (like on my anklet)

I'm also trying to get more kitchen supply stuff.
I want to make a few sticky rice recipes. I need asian food supply store - grr. none local.
(I've recieved 3 notifications of admiration Pet Me)

Why I tattoo... [27 Aug 2007|08:01pm]
I consider myself a person bound to security. I do actually like things tidy, but the burning need to go through every paper and itemize everything and cross reference and rearrange and make sense of what is already put away so it's more livable always seems to come first.

I do not like to spend lots of money randomly, though it seems to burn holes in my pockets - it tends to go towards necessary things or stuff that improves quality of life.

I do not like rollercoasters, driving really really fast, police scare the shit out of me, and pain - while sometimes fun to inflict, is rarely a positive thing to experience on the recieving end.

I am still the girl who's mother gave her 20 bucks and said "go have fun" and came back home with a doormat, an ironing board cover, and a soda.

I am still the girl who would much rather buy lots of things I don't love than the one big ticket item I adore. It's a matter of practicality. With many things there are increased odds of both finding enjoyment or use in one of them then there is in buying one item.

Tattoo's come about firstly in my world because I feel a need to dare myself to do something different, to allow myself to be vulnerable to someone else's craftsmanship, to pain, to someone else's order and expertise really in a way that no other part of life demands. Some people will get on that rollercoaster, or that spinnythingy that sucks you to the sides and makes you want to vomit. Not I. Those are definitely NOT for me. But this, this is like another form of hairdying for me. It's more permanent and therfore requires more thought. In the past I have fucked up, just as I have with hairdye, and not thought things through - just said fuck it and ran the risk. I was not happy with the result, but I learned how to own it, and make it mine, how to fix it, and make it better without ever leaving behind the simple fact that I had once thought unwisely and made a mistake. So sometimes a tattoo is not just about allowing yourself to do something different, but forgiving yourself for it too.

The second part a tattoo enters my mind is symbolism. Something sings to me and it resonates inside - as if clanging the bells of awareness, and I need to see something of this externally, i need to see the message and there aren't always words for the message - just an image. Sometimes there are words and an image will speak for the many thousands that appear. That's why it's called symbolism.

If someday I regret getting a tattoo, it will be because I regret something or someone I have been, a choice I have made. I will be forced to accept it or do something drastic to attone for it.
I try to live my life doing as little as possible that I will regret and doing as much as possible so that I won't regret doing nothing.

I don't get tattoo's to impress people, or really to show off. If I did you'd see them in far more prominent places. My tattoo's are apart of me just live every other decision they just happen to be in phsyical form that -can- be seen. I don't get political messages put on me, I probably won't have many if any words tattooed on me beyond the ones that I have a damn good idea aren't ever going to change their meaning on me in a negative way. I don't expect my symbolism to resonate with others, I don't care if it does because -I- don't even make sense or resonate to others and I'm certainly not going to let that affect me - if not one then not the other two I say.

Unlike a picture, unlike a poem, unlike half a dozen other forms of expression out there - a tattoo cannot be ripped, it cannot be burned, it cannot be broken or placed in the trash. Like the rest of a person it can be neglected, forgotten, covered up, touched up, admired, hated, etc... it's a message more to me, the person who bares it, to mark my existance to mark my changes etc.

I don't explain this to convert peoples minds - that's really not my goal. The only goal I have is to offer up some explanation to the confused and curious.
(Pet Me)

But "Fucking Love" is a whole other thing, I swear. [27 Aug 2007|06:24pm]
[ mood | hysterical... ]

Love is stupid in that it's like the American English language. It has all these rules that people neither agree on universally, nor willing to abide by in practice, nor that love itself will adhere to.

They (the rules) exist solely to be blown off, or re-written by each individual or overwhelmed by the course of nature. I think I may never use the word again. It has earned a spot up there next to "nice." Just another word symbolic of a whole lot of shit people are too lazy to use find the appropriate terms for.


(Pet Me)

Gahhh [27 Aug 2007|10:41am]
[ mood | excited ]

Fuckin A - I officially overworked my voice.
I have none. It's gone. gone gone gone ooh i.. i'd pay the devil to replace her...

I helped out T. S. and J. packing yesterday. Got a lot accomplished in a short amount of time, a much shorter time than I would have liked. I broke a very expensive glass because some guy who shall remain nameless was talking, and talking underhanded shit about the people I came to help. He's seriously lucky I don't desire jail time. Bastard.

Anyways so that covers the sucktastic and irritating.

On a positive note, mother is coming down this weekend and we're doing pre-birthday bashy stuffs which will be fun.
I'm still searching for that perfect gift...whatever i can scroung up (if you know tank girl, that's funny - if not, you suck)

On another postive note, I don't ever want to hear that I am neither generous nor impulsive as I have purchased a 4 pack of tickets to go see the Flogging Molly\Dropkick Murphy's in September.
I figure basically, at this point a bunch of people need a break so I decided we should take that break together. It'll be FUN. So there. Now I just need a damn baby\dog sitter for the evening.

Any local single friends want to spend the evening of the 13th playing on my computer (I have the SIms2 - with extentions, and Fable and fast net connection... and a queen size pull out bed too. Lots of DVDs and a huge ass flat screen tv too... anyone? anyone? My kids will be sleepings most of it.Just don't kill them and we'll be good. Money for food and gas will be donated too.)

(I've recieved 1 notification of admiration Pet Me)

A picture and a poem, both inspired by a very passionate evening. [11 Dec 2003|04:22am]

I was resting, as my body rose
to acquiesce to your request
Savoring each caress
your hands upon my breast

Drawing from the depths within
you trace your love with fingertips
Painting me so perfectly
with colors from your lips.
(I've recieved 1 notification of admiration Pet Me)

I guess I can agree with this... on some level [11 Dec 2003|12:53am]
Season = Summer
You're Most Like The Season Summer ...

Whoa.... Passionate eh ?? Typically you're a fiery,
zesty dominant person. As the hottest season,
you certainly ooze Sex appeal. You have
confidence which draws people to you, and you
have the makings of a good leader.
However sometimes your exterior is stronger then
you are and so you scare people off before they
can get close.

Well done... You're the most memorable of seasons

?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
(Pet Me)

A little Entertainment Please. [10 Dec 2003|08:27pm]
Well Lou's gf from last winter prior to our rekindling emerged from the shadows with avengence. She has absolutely no clue that he has since their break-up gotten married and is expecting a child. That lack of knowledge serves to make her recent re-emergance quite humourous.

Let me briefly tell you about, "Kitten". Lou never referred to her as anything but that, I always figured she was a variant of Catherine, it's always nice to know your intuition is on the ball. Kathleen and Lou shared an online and phone romance that lasted the course of several months. Kathleen was at the time 16. Now I remember being sixteen, and I know many 16 year olds. She was so much like me in a multitude of aspects that I couldn't help but hate the fact that she existed, knowing how Lou is attracted by passionate and intelligent beings. I knew about Kat, (taking liberty to shorten her name and dispensing of a nickname I find entirely too cute for my purposes), through Lou as soon as he and I started to talk again last winter. I saw a picture, certainly couldn't find flaw with her looks, 5'4 long reddish-blond thick hair, nice enough rack, looked cute in glasses. Easy on the eyes.
She is smart, very smart for her age, she's poetic- she has a way with words. I will not say her poetry or writing is better than mine, I think quite honestly it pales by comparison. My favorite piece of hers was written about Lou- go figure. She just has an incredible vocabulary, it's just that sometimes Less is More.

Anyway as far as their relationship goes, they grew attached quickly, became passionate very fast, talking about children and the like- asking all those important questions to make sure your on the same page. Very passionate people have to ask those things because otherwise they will get lost in the emotional whirlwind and romantic entanglement that they get glued to someone who they are entirely incompatable with on a day to day level. The fact that they felt so strongly towards each other so soon no doubt had to do with her needing a savior, and him loving to feel so needed. "A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his morale. After awhile he realizes that she is beautiful - he just hadn't noticed it at first." It goes along those lines. Never-the-less, her being in such need, and having so many curiousities about things he was interested in, particularly those involving spirtuality and all things pagan... it was a decent match. Well, except for two or more things.

The first I'll be inclined to say is Myself. Not to say that I am the all mighty controller of his life by any means, but even supposing that they had continued a relationship- ie: she had not broken up with him due to "distance" - I would have become a meddling trifilng pain in the ass in time, and probably wormed my way in. I know that makes me sound like a total cunt, but facts are the facts. I was never going to give up on Lou. So oh well, at least I'm fucking honest.

That brings us to problem two, between Kat and Lou- dishonesty. Like her sending a letter\gift and it mysteriously vanishing into the thin air. Lost in the mail is a BS term. Nothing is ever really LOST in the mail unless it leaves this country! She said it was returned to her and that she sent it again- Lou realized this was entirely BS, he wouldn't need any help from me to figure that out, he's not fucking stupid. But my 4 of my family members, including my mom, have worked for the post office. This "lost in the mail" thing is crap- it's not lost, it's MISPLACED. Eventually it will be sent to either the right address or back to the sender.

The next issue between them... is age. Oh I know I'm not exactly little miss "has right to talk" about dating people out of your age bracket. Especially considering my run with a guy 14 years older than me, and that Kat is only 4 years younger than Lou. But 16, living at home, being still under the watchful eyes of the rents, having your online and phone time monitored vs. being 20, in the military, on your own, frequenting bars\strip clubs, generally speaking being an adult- having control of your own life and responsibility of your actions. In addition to just lifestyle, experience plays a part. Lou had been in a relationship with me for a long time, and it was a very very tumultous relationship. Very manic, and we had gone through stuff together many people in their 30's are only beginning to start to experience. This girl has been relatively NO WHERE. So of course- this means Lou would basically have to relive a lot of earlier experiences he'd had with me, while she'd have to start from scratch. For the experienced person that can be frustrating because of the repatition, to the inexperienced person because the other person seems so damn distant from where you are.

So yes, there were problems without me, and they did surface, and Kat broke up with Lou because of "distance". Who the fuck knows, but problems were there never the less, and -I- was not actually the cause of his break up.

Anyway, yes, the other day Kathleen came waltzing back into his life, and therefore mine. Inititally I was jealous and envious and worried, not because I don't trust him, but because she is scary. We talked, I cried, had absolutely beautiful wonderful amazing sex that only occurs when two people actually LOVE each other. It was Awesome in the true sense of the word. I could almost thank her.

As I said to Maggie perhaps what scares me most is that Kathleen and I are so similar, and we have similar drives and that's scary because to know someone so similar exists and has the same person in their ambitions, it is frightening to think that they could push themselves into your beautiful world and ruin it. The thought that somehow this person could take advantage of Lou if ever we fought and she found out and was there to catch his fall before he and I could make amends- this is scary.

I told Lou the fact that the past can pop into the present is scary and unfortunately unavoidable. Kathleen managed to walk into my home yesterday in the form of a letter, but it was no different than if she had just appeared. That too is frightening. I had all but forgetten her existance, but there she was again. It was a violation. Unfortunately due to the fact that Kat has no clue that Lou and I got back together, and are married, in fact I don't even know if she even knew about me to begin with, gives me a little more patience and does help to take away some of the elements of fear- the ones that would indicate that this letter was malicious.

Since she didn't know we were\are together, she has no reason to NOT have an aim more than friendship, but as we ARE married - she should be told that such attempts would not only prove in vain, but would also be callous.

Here is her Letter:

It's been a long time. Too Long. You have been in my dreams lately. Perhaps it's the Whooping Cough ailing me, or just my subconcious reminding me of what once made me happy. I've since had a birthday and many things trouble me. I hope love has found you again. If you have loved and lost, perhaps your search will end soon. So much has happened. Might I start near the beginning after we parted ways?
Remember I told you what my father did to my sister, and how afraid to see him I was. Well, I went and spent Christmas with him, then a bit in Spring Break, then a month in the summer. He's taught me a lot. Got me a car. Taught me to do Body and Paintwork. Even let me enter my car in a car show. He got me a '71 Plymouth Barracuda. I'm facing my fears, I have gained two stepsister and a niece. A step-mother, and a family that loves me. My sister won't forgive me.
I have read The Book you sent me. Many nights I've sat in my bed until morning reading, fascinated by the powers at hand. Especially the chapter on Hauntings. I've read it's stories probably 3 times. Thank you.
I sense a vague curiosity addressing my romantical escapades. I had one summer romance. It ended in tragedy (Tristan was a tragedy, what follows is pedantic teenage whining). Ian took my heart and blew it up like a flesh balloon (I'd love to see that); forcing the ice-cicles to shoot from it's tubing where they had iced my nearly black heart, and numbed my mind to everyone around me. My blood ran warm again. He then lied to me and sucked his love back in, my juices passing his lips and leaving me nearly dead to the world. I've since given-up a bit, and am consentrating on my drums and theater. I'm in the play Arsenic and Old Lace.
I went to college over the summer. Took 3 classes at the community college near by. I will graduate early, and I have a date set to audition to get into Juliard for theater and for music. I am growing up, Lou. More than before. I think differently now, but still I linger in the purgatory between childhood and the rhelm of Adulthood. Then to Parenthood. then to old age. Then Death. I choose to make the most from my life. I wish to become a teacher. Percussion instructor for a Drum and Bugle Corp. No worries, my friend... If you like, when I become a household name, you and your friends can be my bodygaurd. *Winks*
I feel I must explain why I bothered to write to you. Though it was no bother at all, I still owe you an explanation. I remember our last conversation. I told you that I would still request friendship of you. I did not decieve you. I miss your friendship. I remember when you were on of the few would could make me laugh.
I haven't had a good belly laugh in months. I've lost quite a bit of weight. 1230lbs now. Last time we talked I was 5'4 and 145. I've grown since. 5'6 actually. My hair has changed. My eyes are green no, no longeri the dark blue you could once recognize. Once a plump (yea right, fuck off) caterpillar, now emerging into the elegance of a butterfly. So is life, I suppose. But I would much like to be your friend once more. If your wish is to forget me, then let it be so... But I protest. And will continue to do so. You should know me well enough that I do not give up without a bit of fight.

Make a wish and hold it tight
Thou wilst dance with me tonight
Your wish is silent without a prayer
But our friendship stands, and now I'm there

- Kathleen

And here is my reply:

Dear Kathleen
My name is Sarah Miller, I am Louis Millers wife, and a long time friend of his. Louis and I recieved your letter, I would like you to know that while I am aware of your past with Lou, husband I have no problem with him associating with you. I'm sorry he failed to write to you himself, or that you have not recieved a reply sooner but his mail from the barracks was not forwarded til just under a week ago.

Please know that I am not in any way barring my husbands interaction with you. I could not and would not, he is a grown man, capable of making such descisions for himself, and I trust him implicitly. As I know the two of you were so close and I do know how unforgettable he is and how much of an impression he made in your life and vice versa even in such a short time, I have taken the liberty to respond to you myself. Please do not regard this as an infringement of privacy, he brought the letter to me to prevent me from upset as he knew I would sense he was with-holding information. Similarly, he has been informed of this letter, and read it himself prior to it's sending. No Secrets.

This next bit may seem very cold, and I do have more to tell you that is not so darkly toned, but this is important enough that I feel it should be addressed first rather than last. If you cannot handle the words that come up now it can be generally assumed that you either had no intention of just being friends with my husband, or that you are rightfully offended. If the latter winds up being the case, my apologies in advance. Be honest with yourself in reading, and don't be hasty to refute. The subconscious can be a very powerful thing... now without further ado:

Neither Lou nor myself are blind to the ways of women. Lou was the one who informed me of your letter, and he was the one to first look for any hint of deception or underlying messages. It is possible that he read more into your words and I found myself agreeing out of jealousy, but I think that there is more merit to our mutual conclusion that. Your wording regarding rekindling your friendship was forceful, your letter laced with indirect apology, and a dose of self-pity that assumes the place of karmic retribution. I know these tactics well, I have even used them myself. This is not however, an attack. I cannot fault you if you are or were indeed searching to rekindle more than friendship with my husband, my love- after all, I fell for him too. *smiles*
But, I am forced to tell you, that if you cannot respect the bonds of Our love, the vows we have taken, I will not hesitate to blow the entirety of you up like a flesh balloon using one means or another.

With that stated and out of the way, a general update is probably in order is it not? Louis and I were wed on June 17th, 2003. I am aware that this may seem sudden to you after the bond you two had developed, however Lou and I have known each other since we were fourteen, we have been together on and off over the course of the past nearly 6 years. We shared first love together, a love that has never faded even through all the trials our relationship endured. We both grew up and found our way back to each other. I am sorry for the loss this causes to the world, my stripping him from the market, but I cannot say that it was avoidable. We are -true- soul mates. I'm sorry if that makes you bristle. Truth be told there is much that you have said that has made me bristle. But that is the way of women who have such similar tastes as we.

Going on with the update, Louis and I still reside in Alabama, although we are awaiting relocation in 2005. We are expecting a child in early to mid-march. *gryns* We consumated the marriage well. :-)

Lou hasn't had a lot of time to attend to his poetry or art, I'm sure that he will soon find time and more desire to write\draw as he once did.

As for your recent experience with love, well love is a tricky thing isn't it. It is easy for those of us who are passionate and romantic to get lost in our desires, to wrap our hearts up around a new flame, dancing and writhing so close that we lose the world and all that lives outside, and all the sensibilites that world has taught us. Tempering passion with reality we can learn to recognize Love, True Love, and avoid those illusions that put our fragile wings of emotion at risk of being burned. Embracing our other attributes we can take the time needed to mend burned wings, and improve upon other important parts of ourselves so that when we do find True Love, we will have more of ourselves to share, rather than less. Yes, scars may remain, some visible, some not, but they are within our power to overcome.

Sarah Marie Miller

~And there's an end
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Of course... [10 Dec 2003|06:59am]
I only wish the test was better written, well, it was written fine, but if you ask a question like "have you ever been in love before" and only one of the answers says is in the affirmative, but yet- not (The actual answer I picked "yes, but i find it's easier to fall out of love than in love") well it's not quite fair. I didn't see "Yes, and I'm in love currently" the closest to "in love" currently I saw was one that said "Maybe. It's difficult for me to tell, I get too lost in the moment. I might even be in love now." I really had the desire to skip the question entirely as any answer I'd give would be half-truth. I know, I know, I'm babbling.. read my results, take the damn quiz and see for yourself.

Your soul is bound to the Burning Rose: The

"I go where my heart beckons me, and I go
with my head high. But sometimes, I get a need
until I bleed so my heart swims above my

The Burning Rose is associated with passion,
intensity, and desire. It is governed by the
god Eros and its sign is The Flame, or Physical

As a Burning Rose, you can get lost in the moment
if you let yourself. You are a very physical
person, be it in relationships, work, or play.
You may be driven by your hormones sometimes,
but you know it's because you have to follow
your instinct.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla
(Pet Me)

What Fun [09 Dec 2003|08:53am]
I'm sitting here finding all the viruses and spyware on my computer - it amazes me how a great deal of it got on there while my husband and I were out of state. We had a friend of lou's house sitting, I don't know what I expected- his SN is "SmileyAsCanBe" (only he types it in all caps). I feel compelled to let out a string of insults a mile and a half long in his general direction for all the hell I'm going through cleaning up the registry, but it really is our fault for not having put the comp under lock and key while we were away.

Amusingly enough, the obnoxious yet not dangerous, shit that is on the comp came from completely unexpected sources, I expect to see trackers from sex sites- but webtrackers from such companies as Travelocity?

What the fuck buisness does Travelocity have seeing what other sites I visit etc. Why the hell do they have their nose in my comp? I thought that such a well known company would be above such asshole tactics, I can gaurantee you that I will not be using THEM anytime soon. Snooping bastards.

Blah. Blah I say.
(Pet Me)

Me Like [07 Dec 2003|01:37pm]
You are the Figher Femme

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
(Pet Me)

Feel free to humour me... [07 Dec 2003|02:57am]
Borrowed this from a friend's journal who inturn had borrowed it from another friend...

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
(Pet Me)

Just a quiz thingy... oh yes... I'm alive. [07 Dec 2003|02:54am]
[ mood | grateful ]

You're a Sapphire. You seem to be unreachable, but
deep inside, you are really a nice and warm
person. You are elegant and get along well with
people once you know them.

What Jewel Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I like this, it has definitely captured an essance of myself that has been long forgotten- an essense that thanks to the ministrations of my loving spouse is beginning to come from it's hiding place of years, bringing me back to the person I abandoned long ago in order to protect myself.

I know that is incredibly laced and makes people want to hear more, and truely, i'd love to write more, but there is a beautiful sleeping man in the next room who's soft rythmic breathing is beckoning me to his side.


(Pet Me)

Validation [29 May 2003|11:54am]
The ways in which people seek validation are almost endless. While some insist that seeking validation is a product of our own failure to show our strength and cow-towing to conformity, I believe it is entirely natural. We'd like to believe that we are so far above other species, trying to separate ourselves from "them" by pointing out arbitrary differences. Reality is that the proof is in, humanity is no greater than another species of the Animal kingdom. Not only are we far from superior, we aren't even original in our ways of being.

All of the animals within nature must prove themselves. They must fight with each other for the right\priviledge to procreate, they fight to find status among their own and dominance among others. The end result is the same, they seek validation in-order to preserve themselves and their species. There is nothing wrong with seeking to be beautiful, nothing wrong with trying to emphasize what we find divine in ourselves, and downplay our flaws. There is no denying we all have them, but there is no need for everyone to share in their viewing. To seek appreciation and acceptance for what beauty and goodness we possess and share- natural.

To those who consider it a flaw to seek validation I say stop putting yourself on a pedestle, you're just as base as the rest of us, ditch the superiority complex and come back down to reality. You want to be loved, and accepted just as much as everyone else. You are trying to assert yourself as Alpha, but what you are doing is making yourself the black sheep.

I get very annoyed when i read sites where in a person says "This is what I think and If you contest what I say you are a moron, if you agree with it you aren't an individual." That level of arrogance is above and beyond my tollerance level. It makes them entirely unapproachable, which is a rather shitty way to be in a communal society. If I was working at any service type job, from cashier, to banker or mechanic, and i knew that was how a person operated, I would not serve them. If someone treats me like crap or talks down to me because they feel in any way they are naturally, inately blessed to be superior to me, I'd tell them to fend for their fucking selves. The obviously don't need MY help. When they wind up in jail for stealing food, or broken down on the highway, or without funds, OH fucking well, they are so superior they can do it all on their own. I think everyone should ostrasize people with that attitude, i really do. I'd love to see how far those "superior" people make it.

A catering company is hired to hand bagels, juice, coffee at a morning in an executive office building. This monday however the truck that carries the butter packets hasn't arrived ontime so supplies are low. The manager tells all the catering staff "hand out one packet of butter to each person only as we are low on supplies. All the employees nod and go about their morning duties as told. A particularly young\new employee is handing out the butter packets at a board meeting and one of the executives politely asks for another packet of butter. The employee say's politely back "I'm sorry sir, only one packet per person."
To this the exec says: "Do you know who I am? I am the Vice President of this WHOLE corporation, How dare..."
But she cuts him off. "Do you know who I am sir?"
Taken aback he says "No, who are you" indignantly.
"I'm the girl who passes out the butter." With that she took the single packet of butter back and walked away.

See none of us is actually better than the other, no label, no title, no hair dye, no eyebrow shape, no amount of working out, or eating like a pig is going to change that. We all rely on each other in some manner of another, and anyone who is in denial of their need for others, who is so self-serving that they are entirely blind to the value of treating those people around them with decency and curtesy are completely clueless to just how much hell those "little" people can do to them.

My ex is the owner of and hard worker of a pool service buisness. He asked a customer for a drink of water on a particularly hot day and the customer said "There's a hose back there." - very rude. So in return for their kindness he made sure not to cut turned the breaker off to the air system in the house. - Within a matter of an hour they were coming outside to cool off but- awww, that pool wasn't fixed yet, it would be at least another day, in addition to the fact that they now had to call the service technician for the ac and everything.. WHOOPS. "Well ya know, if your hot, theres a hose out here.. you don't really need your pool fixed today"

There are very few superior people in the world, and they depend on a whole lot of little people, so when you do the math we're a hell of a lot bigger than they are. Theres a nice system of checks and balances already in place naturally. Those of you who look in the mirror and think "wow its so nice that im perfect and I dont need to seek validation from all those little people out there" your fucking clueless. Validation isn't in YOUR power to give yourself. You can improve your odds by being a decent being and not treating others like crap, but its not up to you to determine if you need to seek others approval or appreciation or not. If WE determine that you are a peice of shit, it really doesn't matter if you care or not, we judge you regardless, and how great or shitty your day is, does lie in great part of OUR hands. You may think our opinion matters very little, it might not affect your self worth at all, you can still be content and conceited all you like, but when push comes to shove, we owe you nothing.The world owes you NADA. Which shows just how far from superior you are.

So climb off your soapbox and join the ranks. You're an animal, you're a human, you're part of this society, like it or not, and that means that you're stuck with us for the rest of your life, get used to it, and start being worthy of the time and fucking effort of the people that are doing your sorry pathetic peice of shit ass a favor by putting up with your crap.
(Pet Me)

[29 May 2003|12:04am]
Maggie: Here's some news for you..
Non-uglies community is no more.

Gee Darn, Oh Poo, What EVER shall we DO?!?
(Pet Me)

Loved [25 May 2003|11:29pm]

by Sarah M. Dove
Dedicated to Louis A. Miller

I was thinking that
maybe this was meant to be
you know the way we always fall
together, pulled as if
the tide magnetic to the moon
making her rounds through
the sky connected by a thread
raising and lowering the blinds
to the world which is so uncertain

how you make me feel secure you
hold me in a tight embrace without
even being near
me i feel your love
the way you jump even though
you don't need to I would
never ask it of you and yet you
near touch the sky, so blue
all the time because of you. even
the grey is not so sad.

you make sure when
rain falls that I am
taken care of your body
covers mine sheilded from harsh
winds and cold in your kiss
i taste the sweetness in your words
i hear the gentle sounds of
the eternal heartbeat

so warm, so safe so well don't
wonder if i know how you love
me so completely almost
effortlessly you sing my
soul to sleep each
night a lullabye
meant just for me in your embrace
i know i am
taken care of i am
i am
in your arms.
(Pet Me)

Love.. [25 May 2003|11:31am]
It's no mystery that I absolutely -love- my friends completely. Not a sense of "gee i wanna bed you" but- love in that entirely unconditional- for who you are entirely. This lyric struck a chord today.

Head over Feet

I have no choice
but to hear you
you stated your case
time and again
i thought about it

you treat me like
i'm a princess
i'm not used to
lying in bed
you ask how my day was

You've already won me over
In spite of me
And don't be alarmed if i fall
head over feet
and don't be surprised if i love you
for all that you are.
I couldn't help it,
it's all your fault.

You're love is thick
and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver
than I give you credit for
that's not lip service

You've already won me over
In spite of me
And don't be alarmed if i fall
head over feet
and don't be surprised if i love you
for all that you are.
I couldn't help it,
it's all your fault.

You are the barer
of unconditional things
You held your breath
and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener
that I've ever met
You're my best friend
best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted
something rational

I am Aware Now

I am Aware Now

You've already won me over
In spite of me
And don't be alarmed if i fall
head over feet
and don't be surprised if I love you
for all that you are.
I couldn't help it,
it's all your fault.
(I've recieved 3 notifications of admiration Pet Me)

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